The Seoul subway moves with precision. I do not.
I’m surrounded by couples, families, and people who look like they showered. A harsh reminder that I chose aviation and not affection.
Once I enter the airport I can hear different languages..
Announcements echo in three languages. None of them offer emotional support
Gimpo greets me like an ex who’s moved on polite, clean, and …cold.
I head straight for the self-check-in kiosks. Machines do the job efficiently. Wish I could say the same for my therapist…
The process is seamless. I beep. I nod. They pretend I’m human.. yeah lets pretend I am but I can clearly sense that the staff kind of know what kind of hot garbage I am becoming.
I go through like a phantom. They check nothing. I guess even scanners know I pose no threat, not even to myself anymore…Not even a beep.
If only my existence triggered this level of silence in people’s judgment.
ah! My only crime: being a recurring disappointment.
Families reunite, kids laugh, lives have meaning. I’m here to board a flight that feels more like a continuation of punishment than a journey.
Did I tell you guys I have skin problems?
Around me, silent passengers scroll through shiny lives. I scroll through my notes app looking for the will to keep going…
No human interaction required..thankfully,
I’ve forgotten how to be likable anyway.
While I am waiting for the boarding I am having a michelin dinner .
Its much different than the cat food I m use to eat.
Just in term of texture and taste.
Gate’s packed. Everyone has a destination. I’m just trying to make it to tomorrow without crying on public transport again.
The gate chairs are firm. Probably designed by someone who hated comfort and human joints…
Delay announced of 15 minutes.
Everyone sighs. I pretend to care to blend in, but inside I’m relieved more delay means less time in my real life.
I only deserve negative things
My boarding pass gets scanned by another machine. That makes four validations today. More than I get from my own mother.
My boarding pass beeps, letting me know I still function in at least one system…….
The gate agent doesn’t even look up. I wouldn’t either if I were her.
I pretend not to rush, but we all know I just want overhead bin space and a shred of dignity.
I ask about my seat and she says it’s the last row. The seat doesn’t recline. The trauma does.
The seat cushion reminds me of my last relationship: flat, cold, and probably the cause of long-term damage.
My back whispers for help. My dignity left long before the bus to the plane arrived.
Its a preview for the first human merged with a seat
I take a photo out the window. To remember that even despair can have good lighting.
The wing sparkles. The city lights blink. My hope does neither.
The thrust pushes me back into my seat, which still doesn’t recline. My spine screams in Morse code.
We climb rapidly. I try to convince myself it’s symbolic. It’s not.
I wonder what life choices led me back to another low-cost airline. It’s starting to feel like a toxic relationship. The kind where you say “never again” and still book the next flight.
Smooth touchdown.
Pilot lands the plane better than I’ve ever landed a single conversation…
The wheels kiss the tarmac. I don’t even get a handshake from life.
We taxi for what feels like 40 minutes. I age. The night deepens.
Talking about night, I am gonna have a hot night with my loneliness
Man.. thats gotta be a joke.
This is literally the last flight of the day at this airport and they found the way to park far away enough to call a paxbus.
Air Busan is a tricky product because they really position themselves as a lowcost company for the service but their prices are as high as Korean Air.
Never again.
I feel the same feeling of disgust from my ex when she dumped me
what a joke..
I step off the plane wondering when I’ll learn. Probably on the next low-cost flight.. hahah I really never learn from my mistake.
I cant help it.. I m thinking about watching the blockbuster Walker Texas Ranger tonight with Chuck Norris and my loneliness.
The terminal is quiet. My thoughts are not.
